Fox News

It’s been a long time

AND HERE I THOUGHT NO ONE LOVED ALICE AS MUCH AS ME :)

(Source: mulderly, via walkinginlothlorien)

moonpiesfeedmysoul:

WILL YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU SEXY INCUBUS OF A TUNE. 

I LIKE THIS SONG :) AND I OFFTEN WILL GET ON THERE PROFILE TO HEAR IT, NOW WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHO SINGS IT???

LOVE IT!

OKAY SO MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! AND IM SO EXCIDED :) I’LL BE TURNING 21. SO OF COURSE I MUST MAKE A WISH LIST :)

BOOKS FIRST DUH!

1. THE GOLDEN LILLY BY RICHELLE MEAD  -    Coming June 19, 2012
2. DESTINED BY P.C CAST AND KRISTEN CAST
3. LENOBIA’S VOW BY P.C CAST AND KRISTEN CAST

today will  be a hard day, its one of those days you want to curl in a hole…see i lost my job, my cars broken down and my computer is well going wonky. the good news is that i have a amazing boyfriend, and 3 of the greatest friends in the world, and you know why they are great? cause if i lie to them about something they know at the time i had a dam good reason for doing it, weather it be I did not want Them to worry or maybe i was protecting them from something, point is they understand why i did it and offten tell me they would do the same, so my question is why must  people i looked up to so much be so curle i was just doing what came naturally makeing sure you did not worry ?! but you know it’s cool,what ever. i am thinking about mom more and more now, i miss her so much, you know the kind and careing mom, its crazy but after me bing out now for almost a year in april i can now say that ive grown so much and on top of that im no scared  too be myself im happy. and even have found me a wonderful person who care more about me then i do myself and when i start having a hard time he is there with his arms open wide. he has sea blue eyes and one day maybe ill be awayfrom theis terrible state and get to see it i miss some people but you know if they cant listen then oh well i guess they were never really my friend…

My answer:

no sam i miss you so much but i cant get my skype to work and my web cam is screwing up and on top of all that i just got laid off so im tring to make ends meet i moved out of my aunts and know live with the boyfriend, ill work on it some today okay and i always want to talk to you :)

So just to let all you know, I’m doing great , I have a amazing loving caring boyfriend, I go for my drivers test on the forth:) I have a good job that I sometimes hate cause everyone does domething different, and I have found were I belong… But were are you ? Are you were you thought you’d be ? Dought it :)

Today is Nov. 14th 2011…its my dads birthday, and i cant talk to him…i am missing my friends the one that was lost to us…it feels like today is a compleate dream with no ending…I went to a Place i did not want to go today, and forced myself to talk about shit I’m not ready to talk about yet, but if i dont get help now…I’ll end up alone, just like her, with a kid who hates me…..so what will this ending bring? guess i’ll leave that up to the gods….

on a happy note i have yummy cereal !!!!!!!

I’m me and no one else :) 

You said you’d never make me cry.you tore me apart.I’m lying here stone cold. scared to move scared to love scared to hate scared to feel. I’m frozen in time never again to move…what happened? I’m alone again…

Today i froze again and mostlikely wont ever let anyone in again… I want so baddly to go in to another dimintion and never to be seen or heard from again. maybe there the pain will rest… If i am gone i cant hurt others or myself…sandi might kill me for saying so but its just how i feel today. I’m so sick of loveing caring hopeing then loseing being crushed and hurt….i’m tired of mentally fighting… I’m tired of feeling save but it be a delusion…I want to be myself, i want to be free, I want the memories to come back that ive forgotten cause they make me who i am today….

I love that i never get messages…such a boaring world….did i menchen 

Who knew fitting in would be so hard, but what is fitting in? hmm is it following what everyone thinks is normal? you know that connection you have when u see someone with the same band T- shirt as you? The most basic human desire is to feel like you belong. Fitting in is important. When we see that someone supports the same band we do, we feel a sort of bond, for no other reason than that we perceive that we share something in common with them.

In my family, there’s Aaron my younger cuz, he’s really big in to his training, and he cant go anywhere in town without someone knowing him. Okay so it’s a small town. the point is however is that he fits in to his group completely! He can always be found going to training hanging out with his girlfriend, or his best-friend Chase, he’s got this type of free soul, he wont let nothing hold him back. in my eyes he’s truly a amazing person. i find myself always wishing i could be more like him.

Now we also have my older cuz Kimberly (Kim for short). she has a sureness about herself. It’s like the whole her wanting to be a vet, she knows her missing one day of school could be like missing 2 weeks, she could be as sick as a horse lying down, yet she still pushes herself to do what ever. she complains alot  and sometimes it pisses me off, but I still can see so many wonderful qualitys in her. Like her brother she’s beautiful and Not afraid to say whats really on her mind. it must be why she can make friends in a snap. also like her brother, she fits in, on top of it its with people her own age.

both of these people just like others i know have no issues communicating with people. and that means anyone. me on the other hand, i’m a freak. the people i hang with are too old or too young. most of the people whom are my age dont like doing the things i like, and if they do they usually think the way i do it is strange…like i like to cook yet my uncle thinks that when u cook raman you should not put eggs in it…i am in love with anime and reading yet both of these things i do alone cause noone else in this family likes, I like to explore and hike and swim in creeks, horseback riding and goofing off in a barn. in alot of ways a friend from my past once said im like a vamperic fairy…yea he was high…hence why hes no longer my friend…but at least he accepted me unconditionally even if he did think i was one of the guys. you see i LOVE the night time, sitting out under the stars even in the winter when its so cold outside, i Love to explore, hike swim, camp, ect most girls don’t like to do this…i also love video games again something girls don’t always like…i love nature and if i could spend alday doing something i love i’m happy, but i really want to share the things i find so magical with someone else. but in the end it’s finding someone that fits in with me to do that…so that’s my new quest, to find that person that again will accept me unconditionally…that person might not be in my family, or the people that i know right now, but i know that that person is also waiting for me to accept them unconditionally and they will be my best friend, it wont matter how old they are, the color of their skin or even what they look like they will be mine :) and i wont any longer be alone, this family that i look up to so much could never teach me the tings i already know, nor can they ever be the most perfect me cause their the perfect them and u the reader are the perfect you!I used to hide my geekiness. I used to cover it up for fear that others would judge me. I wanted to fit in like anyone else, so I acted the way I thought would gain me most acceptance. So for those who think I’m weird or strange, YOU CAN’T CONTROL ME ANYMORE. YOU CANT MAKE ME FEEL ANY LESS THEN WHAT I MAKE MYSELF FEEL. i’M STRONG,OPEN-MINDED, LOVING, CARING. AND I’M A HUMAN BEING, SO PLEASE STOP PUTTING ME DOWN AND MAKING ME SOMEONE I’M NOT.  I know its highly unlikely you’ll ever read this but i do respect you, and love you as my family, but your sometimes just too cruel. and you as my family should stop being such a ass hole and start seeing me as i am…hell just see someone past yourself. cause if you dont your going to lose everyone…

The goal is not to bend or change ourselves so we fit the norm; the goal is to find the group in which we are the norm. No matter who we are, no matter what our values or beliefs, our tastes or proclivities, there is an entire culture or subculture out there just like us.

 @ one point or another we are all child-like thru out our everyday lives, If someone hits us we hit back, without thinking, without words, without mercy, we become greedy and arrogant when we win, and we end up giving in to the monster that lives in all of us,   TEMPER Strength WITH Mercy only then will you find peace with in…